No dramatic narrative is complete without an element of conflict. When there is tension between two opposing forces, drama ensues. This structure is as true in school as it is in storytelling. Unfortunately, rather than just driving a narrative, drama in interpersonal relationships often becomes more destructive than productive. This truth stems from the fact that we are often more invested in justifying our negative behavior than in actually creating anything worthwhile.
Why are we so seemingly predisposed to engaging in drama in our lives?
Drama is easy for us to partake in because, for most of us, we have grown up turning conflict into drama and learning to do so from the examples set by our parents, family members and pop culture role models.
Beyond the lives we are directly interacting with, turn on the TV and you will see drama everywhere, from the news to reality TV. Modern society has taught us that drama equals excitement. Drama is easy for us to turn to because it capitalizes on our basic human nature to want to be justified. We love to be able to say, “I told you so,” no matter how delusional or unhealthy our behavior and beliefs are.
Drama is more entrenched in our daily lives than we even realize. It can take the form of school gossip as classmates whisper things they have heard through the rumor mill about the new teacher. It is the blaming and finger-pointing that occurs when something goes wrong on a project. Even minor complaints over the course of time add up to create an environment full of drama and drained of productivity.
Drama creates a vicious cycle, and misery certainly loves company. Drama only begets more drama as people look for others with whom they can commiserate.
3 Steps to Eliminating Drama
As rewarding as it may be in the short term, the behaviors associated with those who engage in drama are ineffective, and they divert energy away from healthy interpersonal interactions and organizational goals.
So, how can HOSA leaders address conflict without succumbing to the drama siren? Try using compassionate accountability, which is the art of using conflict to catalyze positive outcomes. Conflict creates powerful energy that can be manifested into something good. Everyone from advisors to students can start practicing compassionate accountability in their everyday interactions by applying these three techniques:
1. Open Up
When there is conflict, it is important to disclose your true motives and honest feelings. Let the other party know what you want so that everyone understands each other’s intentions. It is critical that in this initial step, no blame is placed on anyone. Transparency is one of the most important stepping stones toward creating fruitful interactions that eliminate drama.
2. Be a Resource
Let others know what you can offer to help solve conflict, and what you need from the other party to be successful. Be careful not to give unsolicited advice about what another person can or should do, as this will put the other party on the defensive and contribute to the escalation of drama. Share only what you have to offer in order to facilitate a positive conversation.
3. Establish Boundaries
Identify your non-negotiables. Conflict occurs when there is a gap between what we want and what we are getting. Be clear about what you want, what is at stake and what it means to you. This step is about establishing clarity of purpose and boundaries, and self-respect. It is easy to slip up here and start issuing ultimatums or making threats, so be cognizant of that temptation while still outlining where the line is for you.
Compassion at its core is about a joint experience. Letting someone know that you are alongside them through any conflict or struggle will create a bond that eliminates drama and opens the door for productive communication. Compassion does not have to be a touchy-feely lovefest of emotion or a disingenuous display of kindness. It is all about empathy and transparency, and making sure that any missteps along the way are turned into launching pads for future success.
Compassion goes a long way toward increasing trust and loyalty between people. Whether in school or life, eliminating drama and replacing it with compassionate accountability is key to productive relationships and communication. Workplace conflict is guaranteed to come up, but approaching it with constructive techniques will mitigate harm and help break the cycle of unproductive interaction.
