When emotional intelligence (EQ) first appeared to the masses, it served as the missing link in a peculiar finding: people with average IQs outperform those with the highest IQs 70% of the time. This anomaly threw a massive wrench into the broadly held assumption that IQ was the sole source of success.
Decades of research now point to emotional intelligence as being the critical factor that sets star performers apart from the rest of the pack. The connection is so strong that 90% of top performers have high emotional intelligence.
HERE ARE SOME OF THE HALLMARKS OF A HIGH EQ:
You Have a Robust Emotional Vocabulary
All people experience emotions, but it is a select few who can accurately identify them as they occur. Our research shows that only 36% of people can do this, which is problematic because unlabeled emotions often go misunderstood, which leads to irrational choices and counterproductive actions. People with high EQs master their emotions because they understand them, and they use an extensive vocabulary of feelings to do so.
You Are Curious about People
It does not matter if they are introverted or extroverted, emotionally intelligent people are curious about everyone around them. This curiosity is the product of empathy, one of the most significant gateways to a high EQ.
You Embrace Change
Emotionally intelligent people are flexible and are constantly adapting. They know that fear of change is paralyzing and a major threat to their success and happiness.
You Are a Good Judge of Character
Much of emotional intelligence comes down to social awareness, the ability to read other people, know what they are about, and understand what they are going through.
You Are Difficult to Offend
If you have a firm grasp of who you are, it is difficult for someone to say or do something that gets your goat. Emotionally intelligent people are self-confident and open-minded which creates a pretty thick skin. You may even poke fun at yourself or let other people make jokes about you because you are able to mentally draw the line between humor and degradation.
You Know How to Say No (to Yourself and Others)
Emotional intelligence means knowing how to exert self-control. You delay gratification, and you avoid impulsive action. Research conducted at the University of California, San Francisco, shows that the more difficulty that you have saying no, the more likely you are to experience stress, burnout and even depression.
You Let Go of Mistakes
Emotionally intelligent people distance themselves from their mistakes, but do so without forgetting them. By keeping their mistakes at a safe distance, yet still handy enough to refer to, they are able to adapt and adjust for future success. It takes refined self-awareness to walk this tightrope between dwelling and remembering.
You Give and Expect Nothing in Return
When someone gives you something spontaneously, without expecting anything in return, this leaves a powerful impression. For example, you might have an interesting conversation with someone about a book, and when you see them again a month later, you show up with the book in hand. Emotionally intelligent people build strong relationships because they are constantly thinking about others.
You Don’t Hold Grudges
The negative emotions that come with holding onto a grudge are actually a stress response. Just thinking about the event sends your body into fight-or-flight mode, a survival mechanism that forces you to stand up and fight or run for the hills when faced with a threat. When the threat is imminent, this reaction is essential to your survival but when the threat is ancient history, holding onto that stress wreaks havoc on your body and can have devastating health consequences over time.
You Neutralize Toxic People
Dealing with difficult people is frustrating and exhausting for most. High EQ individuals control their interactions with toxic people by keeping their feelings in check. When they need to confront a toxic person, they approach the situation rationally. They identify their own emotions and do not allow anger or frustration to fuel the chaos. They also consider the difficult person’s standpoint and are able to find solutions and common ground. Even when things completely derail, emotionally intelligent people are able to take the toxic person with a grain of salt to avoid letting him or her bring them down.
You Don’t Seek Perfection
Emotionally intelligent people will not set perfection as their target because they know that it does not exist. Human beings, by our very nature, are fallible. When perfection is your goal, you are always left with a nagging sense of failure that makes you want to give up or reduce your effort. You end up spending your time lamenting what you failed to accomplish and what you should have done differently instead of moving forward, excited about what you have achieved and what you will accomplish in the future.
You Appreciate What You Have
Taking time to contemplate what you are grateful for is not merely the right thing to do; it also improves your mood because it reduces the stress hormone cortisol by 23%. Research conducted at the University of California-Davis, found that people who worked daily to cultivate an attitude of gratitude experienced improved mood, energy and physical well-being. It is likely that lower levels of cortisol played a major role in this.
You Disconnect
Taking regular time off the grid is a sign of a high EQ because it helps you to keep your stress under control and to live in the moment. When you make yourself available to others 24 hours a day you expose yourself to a constant barrage of stressors. Forcing yourself offline and even turning off your phone gives your body and mind a break. Studies have shown that something as simple as an e-mail break can lower stress levels.
