THE RITUALS OF RELATING

As HOSA members, you are provided with many social interactions each day. Professional behavior has certain unspoken rules and expectations. These rules and expectations govern everything from gift giving to eating, job hunting to babysitting, greeting people to meeting people. Your ability to “play the game” will help you to feel confident, and others to feel comfortable, in virtually any situation. 

 

AN INTRODUCTION TO INTRODUCTIONS

Like it or not, first impressions count. You can make a lifetime of good first impressions by learning how to give and receive introductions.

 

INTRODUCING YOURSELF

This is the simplest introduction. All you have to do is remember your own name. At school or parties, or when others have neglected to introduce you, look the person you want to meet in the eye, smile, extend your right hand, and say “Hi, I’m _____.” If the person doesn’t respond with his or her name you can continue with “And you’re…?”

 

INTRODUCING OTHERS

Let’s start with the adult world, where things tend to be a bit more formal. If you are making the introduction, simply say “Mother, I’d like to present my friend, Sticky Fingers.” It is not necessary to add “Sticky, this is my mother.” Life is too short to double-talk. 

You may also use such phrases as “Mother, I’d like to introduce Sticky,” or, if you’re in a hurry, “Mom, this is Sticky.”

If you think that the people might know each other but you are not sure, you can turn your introduction into a question: “Mother, have you met Sticky?”     

Sometimes kids and parents have different last names. In which case you would say, after presenting Sticky to your mom, “Sticky, this is my mother, Mrs. Her-Last Name.” That way, he’ll know not to call her Mrs. Your-Last-Name. 

Piece of cake.

But how do you know who to present to whom? Here’s the rule: You present the person of “lesser” status to the person of “greater” status. You address the person of “greater” status by saying his or her name first:

     “Your Highness, I’d like to present Simon the Stableboy.”

     “Professor, I’d like to introduce my mother, Mrs. Smith.”

     “Professor Glockenspiel, this is my poodle, Puddles.”

Since who outranks whom can be a confusing as knowing when to say which, the chart below will help you to keep things straight.

"GREATER" STATUS	"LESSER" STATUS
Adults	Children
Teachers	Students
Long Time Friends	New Friends
Females	Males
Relatives	Non-relatives
Bosses	Employees

 

It doesn’t mean that royals are better than commoners, women are better than men, or adults are better than children. It’s just the way things are done. And don’t worry about making a mistake. If you present whoever to whomever when whomever should have been presented to whoever, few people will notice, since they’ll be delighted that you made any introduction at all. And your own status will be tops in everyone’s eyes.

When you make an introduction, try to include a little information about the person you’re introducing. Otherwise, the people you’ve just introduced may stare at their feet with nothing to say. 

You can try things like:

     “Grandma, this is my friend Harry Houdini. He does magic tricks.”

     “Ms. Grier, I’d like to present my sister Charlotte. She designs Web sites.”

     “Dad, this is Ron Gomez. He’s on the swim team with me.”

You can see how these introductory add-ons provide openings for further conversation. Be discreet, though. The idea is to offer an enticing tidbit or information, not to reveal any secrets.

 

“HOW DO YOU INTRODUCE PEOPLE IF YOU'VE FORGOTTEN THIER NAME?”

With difficulty. “Dr. Femur, I’d like you to meet…er, ah, uh…” is inadequate as an introduction. But we forget names sometimes. Since it’s worse to make no introduction, you have three choices when memory fails you: 

1. be up-front

2. bluff, or

3. cheat.

Being up-front means coming clean about your mental lapse. You begin the introduction (“Dad, this is a friend from math class”), then turn to your friend and say “I’m so sorry, I’ve forgotten your name.” At this point, your friend will supply her name.

If you’re introducing yourself, you can say “Hi, we’ve met before, but I’m afraid I’ve forgotten your name.” At this point, your friend will supply name. 

What if you’re introducing two people to each other and you’ve forgotten both of their names? The up-front approach would be “I’m sorry, I’m so terrible with names I’d forget my own if it wasn’t sewn into my underwear. Do you think you could introduce yourselves?”

With the bluffing method, you hope to avoid detection by getting those people whose names you’ve forgotten to introduce themselves. Begin by looking warmly at both people. Then say “Do you two know each other?” If the bluff works, they reply “No” and introduce themselves. If it doesn’t, they say “No” and turn to you with expectant looks on their faces. Uh-oh!

If you’ve forgotten just one person’s name, turn to him and say “Have you met Mrs. Dickens? She was my eighth-grade English teacher.” With any luck, he’ll reply “No, I haven’t had the pleasure. Hi, I’m Nicholas Nickleby.”

You can even use the bluff technique when introducing yourself to someone whose name you’ve forgotten. Smile, stick out your hand, and say “Hi. It’s good to see you again. I’m _____.” Then hope that person will respond with her name.

One should never be embarressed to apologize and say they are sorry they have forgotten your name and ask you to introduce yourself.

 

GROUP INTRODUCTIONS

Situations may arise that call for group introductions. For example, let’s say your cousin joins you and some friends for a movie. If the group is small (five people or fewer), you can introduce him to everyone. If the group is large, individual introductions will take forever and you’ll miss the movie. At times like these, it’s perfectly acceptable to make an efficient group presentation: “Hey, everybody, this is my cousin Alfredo Fettucine. He’s visiting from Rome.”

Alfredo can smile and say “Hi.” The rest of you can smile and say “Hey” or “How’s it goin'?” Physical gestures are also acceptable – a wave, a friendly salute, a tip of the baseball cap – anything that makes Alfredo feel welcome. Handshakes and standing up (if you are sitting down) are unnecessary in such informal situations. Individual members of the group should introduce themselves to Alfredo as they talk with him.

 

BEING INTRODUCED

What should you do when you’re being introduced? Follow these five steps:

1. Assume the position. If you’re not already standing, stand up. Use good posture. Don’t fidget or pace.

2. Make eye contact. Give people a friendly, welcoming look. Don’t stare into space or study your shoes.

3. Shake hands. Exert enough pressure so they know they’re shaking a hand, not an overcooked piece of linguine. A confident, steady grip sends the message that you’re a confident, steady person.

4. Express a greeting. You can’t go wrong with “How do you do?” A warm “Hello” or “Pleased to meet you” are suitable substitutes. Save “Yo,” “Hey,” and “What’s up?” for people around your age. For extra credit, spice up your greeting with “I’ve really been looking forward to meeting you.” or “My sister has told me so much about you.”

5. Converse. If the introducer did his job, he gave you a clue about the person to whom you were introduced. Follow up with related questions and/or comments. For example, if a friend introduced you to one of his teammates, you might say “What position do you play?” or “What are practices like?” or “How do you think the team will do this season?” Try to avoid questions that can be answered with a simple yes or no.

You could ask a student who’s new to your school “How do you like our town so far?” or “What courses are you taking?” or “What was your last school like?” or “What clubs are you thinking of joining?”

This isn’t exactly the Oxford Debating Union. But it is a warm, friendly, well-intentioned way to put people at ease. If you keep at it, you’ll soon discover interests and experiences you have in common. And if the person turns out to be a bore, there are ways to exit the conversation without being rude.

Starting a conversation may feel awkward at first. Just remember that most people like to talk about themselves. They will be grateful for your attention and efforts to keep things going smoothly.

 

BONUS TIP: When you’re being introduced, be alert to the possibility that the introducer may have forgotten your name. If she hesitates or asks if you know the other person, don’t call her bluff. Help her out the way you’d want to be helped.  Leap in with “Hi, I’m _____.”