We all have relationships that are strained by unresolved tension. Whether it be with family members, friends, colleagues, or fellow HOSA members, the opportunity to develop our "tough conversation skills" is vast. Mustering the courage to initiate a tough conversation and exchanging truth with grace is an exceptional leadership skill. The tipping point between prolonged disappointment and renewed vitality is a difficult conversation. Many leadership frustrations are the result of conversations that didn’t happen.

 

Here are questions you should ask yourself before you enter a difficult conversation:

  • How deeply committed are you to the best interests of your team members?
  • How trusting are your relationships?
  • How forward facing are you as a leader? 
  • How much do you believe in your team?

 

Here are ways to prepare for tough conversations:

  • Ponder the ways in which the person contributes and be ready to encourage their effort.
  • Regardless of the tension that exists, everyone has strengths. Acknowledge their strengths.
  • Be ready for friction in the form of resistance, distraction, excuses, blaming, or self-condemnation. Resistance is the pivotal moment in transformative conversations.
  • Have deliberate timing. Do not catch people off guard by trying to talk to them at an inopportune time. 
  • Tough issues aren’t resolved with one conversation. Enter into the process with the idea that mending brokenness takes time.
  • This one is hard… How many problems do you plan to bring up? The answer is one.
  • Take time to consider all sides. Approaching controversy with a high level of emotion is almost always a bad idea. In addition, fatigue enables bad judgment. Get some good rest. National HOSA's Deputy Executive Director recommends allowing three days to ponder the best approach before you respond to conflict.

 

Here are questions to ask during tough conversations:

  • How can we make this situation better than it was before our conflict? 
  • How will our relationship look when we have resolved our differences?
  • How can we make sure we do not experience a problem regarding this issue again?

 

Lewin's Change Management Model recognizes that resolutions can take time and deliberate effort. Lewin uses the melting of an ice cube as a metaphor for the process of change. If you do not take the ice cube out of the freezer, expecting positive change is impractical. Be a strong HOSA leader and work to resolve issues with intentional, courageous, forward thinking effort by taking ice cubes out of the freezer.